FROM THE SCRAMBLE LIBRARY
TUNING UP KIDS' TABLE MANNERS FOR THE HOLIDAYS
All of us love to sit down to a beautiful holiday meal with relatives, or enjoy celebratory meals at restaurants with friends. But does the thought of your children behaving like savages at these festive gatherings make you cringe? If your children are out of highchairs, you might wonder what kind of behavior to expect from them at the dinner table. For example, at what age is it no longer appropriate for children to use their hands to pick up food? Can they really be expected to stay seated until everyone is done (I mean without employing super glue)? Would it kill them to say “please” just once without prompting?!There are no right answers, of course. As with other parenting decisions, we make up the rules as we go and look to those around us for guidance. Around the time our children turned 4, my husband, Andrew, and I started encouraging the use of silverware at the dinner table, and now, at ages 7 and 9, Celia and Solomon are almost complete converts to this civilized practice. We also expect them to wait until everyone is seated to start eating, ask to be excused before leaving the table, and clear their plates after they eat. Recently they’ve graduated to wiping off the table after dinner and loading the dishwasher. I’m not sure if these standards are tough or lax, but they feel right for our family.
It may make sense for your family to decide together what behavior is most important to you at dinnertime. You might even engage the kids in a conversation about manners and get their feedback about what makes dinnertime enjoyable. I also find that a cheerful reminder (sometimes in the form of a quiz) before we go to a restaurant does wonders for their public display of manners (PDM?).
One thing I’ve realized is that Andrew and I need to set good examples. If I find myself slouched at the table or talking with my mouth full, I feel hypocritical expecting better from them. In my quest to improve my kids’ manners, I’ve tried to improve my own manners, too.
Don’t expect your kids to absorb the complete rules of etiquette between now and the next formal gathering. Once you pick a few priorities, discuss them with the kids, remind them each night before dinner until they get the hang of it, and give the kids lots of praise for showing off their new, improved manners (I find shamelessly gushing about their great manners is a really effective motivator!). They might even look forward to impressing Grandma Sarah or Uncle John at your next family dinner!